I'm alive

Yesterday the Department of Home Affairs released a facility online to check your status. Not whether you have HIV or not, that would be a little challenging, but instead and more godlike they can determine whether you are alive or not. And I am alive. Thank god for that.

If you follow this link then you can check your status too. If anyone is dead, then please leave a comment on this post. It would be interesting to see how many dead people are still walking around in this country, particularly given the fact that we are voting next month.

I think that the DHA should have got hold of the Health department and expanded the test to include an online health status check. How tall are you, how much do you weigh, do you smoke, do you drink, do you eat too much read meat. And then if your status is alive, then they could give you an indication of whether you are going to die soon or not. Cool. Collaboration between government departments. What a wow that would be.

Anyway. I will be using this daily to see if I am still alive or not. I always liked the idea of the living dead - vampires etc.

SS to JZ - "free me..."

I was trying to imagine the conversation between Jacob Zuma and Shabbier Shaik the other day prior to his release. Here's how it goes:

SS: "eh, JZ man. I can't stay here anymore. I have done my time man. My arsritis is killing me - there's this big ou - Bongani - who really has it in for me. The pizza is really shit man 'coz the local Debonair's has moved. And jeez man, I am not sure how much longer I can keep up this illness scam. I am getting calluses on my butt."

JZ: "eish Shabbi. Sorry man. I'll see what I can do. I am seeing comrade Balfour tonight about a loan. But in the meantime go take a disprin and a shower - works for me."

SS: "Hey! Can't take a shower man 'coz that is where Bongani is waiting for me. He just keeps on saying "drop the soap. Please drop the soap Shabbi. I can't take it anymore. He doesn't even cuddle afterwards."

JZ: "So what is the problem with that, at least you're getting some love. I'm not into this same sex stuff, but desperate time's require desperate men. Eish, I just thought of something. What about early parole on medical grounds - yah man - you are sick man, really sick. They must go for it, I mean you have been in bed since you got there."

SS: "No more sickness man. I've been in bed for two fucking years my brother. No more. But then again I am getting quite good at it. It may just work. Especially if I remember it's my left leg that's sore - I keep on swopping - thank god no-one has noticed yet. OK, let's do it. Speak to comrade Balfour and I will carry on chewing the fucking chalk. It helps that the hospital food is so shit too. 'Coz who wouldn't look sick on that stuff."

JZ: "I have only one concern Shabbi. If the media get hold of this then we are in the shit - again. I can't sue anyone else for defamation...there is no-one left. You probably find that Zapiro shit will have a field day - luckily I wouldn't be directly linked to the parole decision, but I will make sure some of my doctors are on the medical team. You do realise that your medical condition must be terminal before you can be given medical parole?"

SS: "Ja, ja JZ. I read that part. Listen to this [croaky at death doorway voice]. I am sick doc. I am really sick. Everything hurts. I bleed from my arse everyday after my shower. I have indigestion [from eating too much shit pizza] that eats me from the inside out. My brain wants to explode [from trying to think how the hell to get out of here and how I can get my business back from those NPA bastards]. [Normal chirpy voice] How does that sound my brother?"

JZ: "Good, good. You are a better actor than I am. You should get an Oscar - or maybe a MP post for that. Sooo, let's see what happens with Balfour tonight. I am sure he will comply...I'll just go and get him a bottle of whiskey from Thabo's collection. Sure he will like that.

Some advice about Bongani. Take the dispirin before you shower..."

SS: "No man, JZ. That won't work..."

JZ: "Of course it will. Put the pill between your knees. Tell Bongani you have a headache today."

SS: "Must go, here comes Bongani with that tub of margarine again."

JZ: "Yah sure. Hey Shabbi, you know that interest you claimed back from the NPA. Can I have some? I am buying a new car - found another stupid bank to give me some credit."

SS: "Ja sure. I am sure my kids can eat some more maize for a few days."

JZ: "Cheers my China. You're the best."

SS: "Gotta run. Bongani is rubbing that marge on his - oh god no! Bongani stop it man, not here. Let's go somewhere private - I've got a reputation to uphold."

Bongani: "Ja Shabbi and I've got a need..."

[Click]

Deluded

Over the weekend a rally was held by the ANC. Apparently a bunch of supporters arrived with their own posters that clearly depicted their frustration with the ANC for lack of delivery, self enrichment and leadership failure. These were promptly confiscated. But over the last few weeks I have noticed this shift in the membership as they struggle to reconcile 15 years of power with 15 years of pretty much same-same or worse.

In the run up to the election, the frequency of political debates is increasing and I have noticed that in many of these, the ANC spokespeople are on the back foot and sorely out of their depth - in many cases it appears that some of what they have to say has been scripted and these folks are left high and dry as the debate moves on.

In 1998 I predicted a split in the ANC for ideological reasons. Cope is far closer the the DA now. In fact even Azapo / PAC are spinning a similar yarn to their fellow parties along a more moderate line.

I can't say that I feel at all sorry for the ANC. They are losing their grip as they battle to bury the sins of the Arms Deal and the leaderships own improprieties (Think Zuma, Selebi etc.).

And as many people have noted, now that the elections are upon us, the ANC government has suddenly burst on the scene with a few new ideas and strategies to deal with the stuff they did not do before. Great politicking just before the election. Unfortunately for them, the critical eye of the media and public alike are now less likely to suffer amnesia as they did in the past as it is more obvious that somethings amiss.

So what will happen come the elections. I think that the ANC may very well find themselves struggling to achieve 50%. You heard it here. I also believe that JZ will finally take the stand and may very well be the first president to be jailed (not that this has not happened elsewhere).

The only way out is if the ANC were to reaffirm their original commitment to South Africa. To tackle corruption head on. To take the zero tolerance stance to heart. And get rid of the current leadership who are so tainted. I might even vote for them then.

Interesting are the new posters up in Cape Town heralding JZ's public rally. Sorely missing from the post is the heading "ANC" President - it just says President. Does that not constitute some false advertising...How deluded.

Dear Mr Zuma

I don't think anyone went into the Arm's deal hoping to could get something out of it. Unfortunately once the cookie jar (inspired by pro-Arms industry competition laws) was opened, your mate Shabir realised that there was an opportunity to get himself and you a cut of the action. Whether you were complicit or not it would have been best for you to have fired him then and blown the lid on the bribery.

Now, unfortunately, most South Africans as well as a good deal of the outsiders have reason to believe, because of your continued denial and suspect associations, that where there is smoke there is burning evidence.

It is clear from other international investigations (in the UK and Germany) that bribes were paid. Which means that someone, somewhere benefited from the deal.

What concerns me, however, is your continued court room avoidance tactics (probably incited by your legal team and comrades - who may have something to lose). If you are as innocent as you claim to be then stop wasting ANC money (and our tax money) and just go ahead and take your day in court. I understand that any evidence may indict some of your mates and comrades, but such is life. These skelms (crooks) you may be defending - knowingly or otherwise - need their day in court too. They will feel so much better for it.

If you are an anti-corruption militant then prove it.

Your supporters obviously believe in your innocence and I am certainly willing to believe too if you were to stop delaying the inevitable. Go to court. If this case is a politically inspired plot to remove you as the presidential candidate then all will be revealed. If you truly believe in the Law then now is your chance. The corner you are being painted into is getting smaller.

Make us proud to be South Africans. Either way - innocent or guilty - it will be a public relations boost for our country. It will prove that we are willing to deal with our demons and corruption in an unprecedented fashion. It will prove the structures we have, the Judiciary, the NPA etc. really can work. And sure, if there is evidence of a plot all South Africans will stand in line to pull down those who have unsettled our fragile teenage democracy.

Mr Zuma, South Africa, our Constitution and the ANC are bigger than you. It is us you serve. Do not waste anymore time. Take the bull by the horns. Take your machine gun, your shower and whatever else you need. The old Nike strap line says "Just do IT". So I encourage you to take a stand for your country and put your delicate bits on the block. For us all.

Shane

Important Stuff

My name is Shane Wilson. I live in Cape Town, South Africa with my wife of 10 years - Vaughneen and my two little lovable monsters - Matthew (6) and Julian (a month from 5).

I am looking for Jennifer Kirkpatrick or Mitchell Cullen who may help me shed some light on my early life. They were both in Zimbabwe (Rhodesia at that time) in the late 60's.

I can be contacted at shane.aboyne at gmail dot com.

Thanks

Shane

IT Architects...

Are shit...and a waste of hard earned corporate cash...

Why?

Real architects (of brick and mortar) generally design something that will outlive them.
IT architects (of vapour-ware and vendor lies) generally design something that will barely make it past the accounting write-off.

Real architects use proven materials - concrete has been around since the Romans, bricks even longer...
IT architects fart around evaluating, meddling and interfering with future-ware that is by no means comparable or stable as bricks.

Real architects understand living spaces, flow, ergonomics, psychology, art.
IT architects do not understand - anything - except for the dim and vague governance structures that are still in beta / draft.

There are great architects and really bad ones (who design awful housing estates).

Real architects take a clients budget, asthetics, dreams, requirements and then apply a little magic to create a home, an office or a library.
IT architects fuck up everything they lay their paws on...almost.

Urgh!!! If you don't believe me then just ask them...how much did you save me, what did you actually create that benefited me, where did all that money go?

Sometimes you just have to accept...that it's over.

I can't stand it when I wander about in

endless denial about the end of something - a relationship, a job, a dream, whatever...

Then one day I kinda

snap out of it and decide to move on.

It also pisses me off that I just

wasted a heck of a lot of

time getting there (I also hang on a bit too long hoping that something will change).

I put my neck (and other bits) out for pretty much anything I really believe in.

Felix Dennis says that one of the greatest skills in business is knowing early when you are betting on a dead duck and cutting your losses by getting out early - very early.

My advice:

"Don't ever wait too long, get out while the going is good."